If Only to Tweet

When Woody Allen was honored with the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award, cyber kindling turned into a Twitter brushfire when Woody’s former partner Mia Farrow and his (maybe?) biological son Ronan chided the award’s recipient because of the Woodster’s, ahem, proclivity for fruit still on the vine.

The angry tweets are not unfamiliar to Twitter, but think of the damage that could have been done if baseball players from long ago and not so long ago could lament their frustrations, celebrate their victories and muse about life on the dangerous medium of social media. What follows are unearthed tweets that would have been sent had twitter existed in the time of these ballplayers.

Babe Ruth @Swatsultan

@redsox Cash considerations? U kidding? LMFAO #cursed #ilookgoodinstripes


Moises Alou @moisesalou

Game Seven! Keep your hands away from the field. #clown #hisfault

Sammy Sosa @beiosboldio

@moisesalou At least he keeps his hands out of the Wrigley troughs 🙂


Yogi Berra @notaverageberra

The nice thing about tomorrow is that it isn’t today, or better yet, the day before.

Whitey Ford @fordtough

@notaverageberra did you go out with @themick last nite? smh smh


Rickey Henderson @lovememe

@lovememe ur the greatest.

Rickey Henderson @lovememe

@lovememe no, no Rickey, ur the greatest.

Rickey Henderson @lovememe

@lovememe how many times I got to tell u, ur the best?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Roger Maris @Rogercrush

Me & @bobcerv need someone to drop off penicillin & bring breakfast. #toomuch

Mickey Mantle @themick

@themick hey, @Rogercrush & @bobcerv, u guyys stel out???


Billy Martin @billyball

Feels great to be back in NY with the #yankees

George Steinbrenner @kinggeorge

@kinggeorge @billyball I told you not to leak any information to anyone.

Billy Martin @billyball

@billyball @kinggeorge Who are you? Ive been here long before you were. I was born a #nyyankee, you just bought the team. #spoiled

George Steinbrenner @kinggeorge

@kinggeorge I guess it’s time to cancel the press conference for @billyball #whostheboss #imtheboss

Billy Martin @billyball

You can’t quit me @kinggeorge.


Pedro Martinez @pedrostrikes

@pedrostrikes my arm feels tired, don’t think I ever threw something so big!!! #yankees #redsox #alcs #2003

Don Zimmer @dugoutzimm

@dugoutzimm hey, @pedrostrikes I played in the 50’s & right now @peeweereese could still kick your boney a** #whereurrings #yankeeswin


Nolan Ryan @ryanexpress

@ryanexpress nothing like punching around a little @rockinrobin to get the nite started! #texasforever #gunshow

Robin Ventura @rockinrobin

@rockinrobin I’m really sorry @ryanexpress. I had no idea how much old man strength you had.


Ted Williams @teddyballgame

@teddyballgame Manager wanted me to sit to keep .400 a chance. I said NO WAY!!! Who does he think I am @yankeeclipper?

Joe DiMaggio @yankeeclipper

Yo, @teddyballgame you couldn’t tie your shoes right 56-games in a row. #flythis


Curt Schilling @thebigschill

@thebigschill @yawkeycleaners, u guys able to get all that out of my sock? #warrior #redsox #believe04


Johnny Bench @jbench

@catchfisk hey, wave this way (points towards midsection) #75champs #bigredmachine


Cal Ripken @ironcal

Oh no, the sniffles, sore throat, think I may come down with something one day from today… Not!!!! j/k j/k lolz!!! #sorrylou


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